Can she do it? Yes, she can!

Hang on a minute…actually, maybe she can’t.

You see, the deadline is Friday 26th April. This April. That’s five weeks and three days. Thirty eight days. And in that time, I have to produce another sixty seven thousand words. That’s thirteen thousand four hundred a week, or one thousand seven hundred and sixty three a day.

Hmmm…that’s a lot of words.

So, what’s it all about?

Well, Friday 26th April is the closing date for the Write a Bestseller Competition being run by Poolbeg Publishing in conjunction with The Morning Show on RTE. And as everyone knows, you’ve gotta be in it to win it!

As December 2012 morphed into January 2013, I thought, huh! Loads of time! True enough, I already had the story all mapped out. All I had to do, was put it into words that people might like to read. Easy.

But I hadn’t taken into account one vital draw on my time.

Carys

Carys

Carys, my daughter.

If you have read any of my previous posts, you will know she has a rare syndrome called CFC (cardiofaciocutaneous). It’s complex, because it comes not only with developmental delays, but many serious medical conditions.

One of these conditions kicked off last year in June, and has been steadily getting worse ever since. To the point that doctors don’t know what to do about it. Which means that while she is not treated, she has weeks where she screams day and night with pain, won’t eat or drink or take her meds.

When this happens, I can’t write. Hell, I can barely even think. I just muddle through the best I can. It’s heart breaking not to be able to help her.

So why do I care so much about some dumb writing competition? I mean, it’s so trivial, right? Not to mention selfish.

Mothering is what I do day in, day out. It’s my number one priority. But I need to be me, too. And writing is also what I do.

Now, this trivial writing competition works on many levels. First, it gives me a kick up the jacksy, as I work better with a deadline to meet. Second, it offers a one book publishing deal to the winner with one of Ireland’s major publishers, Poolbeg. And it comes with publicity built in, courtesy of The Morning Show on RTE.

So, does this mean I’m shallow, too?

I hope not. I’m not seeking publicity for myself, but for raising awareness for Carys’s syndrome. The book is about what it means to live with a mystery child like Carys. The more that is known about CFC, the better it will be for fund raising purposes, future research, and perhaps finding solutions to the horrible condition my daughter is suffering right now.

So, can I do it? It’s a tall order. A hell of a lot of words, in very little time.  And after all the effort, I may not win, or even come close.

But I have to try, don’t I?

4 Comments on “Can she do it? Yes, she can!

  1. Totally belated comment, but no, not selfish at all! I say, you go girl. 🙂 My mom spent so much time with we three kids, especially with helping me when I was younder, that she rarely if ever did something for herself. I can count times she really took for her on two hands, possibly only ten. You have to be you, and also when you are, your children will notice and learn that balance is an important value and they are valuable enough that their goals and dreams matter as much as the helping others, including their own children, reach theirs. Did you win?

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    • Well I am definitely not as selfish as your mom, lol! I’m always doing things for myself, and feel very cross and guilty when I am forced to stop to do something for my kids, lol! I’m talking about my writing of course, whether its blogging, the books, answering comments, whatever…I don’t want anything to get in the way of that, because it is through writing that I re-discovered some self esteem. I need the escapism it gives me, the only chance to be me…how selfish is that?!!

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      • I don’t see it as escapism, Ali. Seems to me you are not running from anything, but in fact running toward something. That something could be as great and as simple as who you are, and self-realization is not self-centeredness. For one thing, in taking care of yourself, you have the presence and space to be there for others, paradoxically. Just like when you feel at home in your own skin, you realize you are a part of everything else. Or when you sit in silence, sometimes you can hear music…okay perhaps that’s just me. 🙂 During my first week at Stanford in college, I went to a talk where someone said “You probably feel like you don’t belong here, but if you didn’t, you wouldn’t have gotten in. You’re here because you deserve to be.” I think life is also that way– if we weren’t supposed to realize all we can become, we never would have come here. But we’re here– so we deserve to be, it’s our right. I feel living that isn’t selfish, it’s authentic. So I say, good on you, and your children most likely will thank you for modeling such a healthy way to balance things later. They’d better, anyway! Deep thoughts on a Saturday! 🙂

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        • Running towards something instead of away from something? I NEVER looked at it like that before…wow! Have to think about that one. Perhaps towards the edge of a precipice, lol! Only joking…yes, deep thoughts indeed!

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