Silly Cow!

Somewhere in Ireland’s heartland, a herd of cows, much like any other herd of cows, were peacefully grazing in a lush green field. After a time, the cow nearest the gate which gave onto a typical narrow country lane with moss and other vegetation growing in a jungle-like stripe up the middle, raised her head, nostrils flaring in alarm.

“Did you feel that?” she asked her companion, who was an older and far more worldly wise cow than all the others, for she had been born in Killeshandra, which was a long way away from Cavan. For a cow, anyway.

Worldly Wise Cow flicked her tail. “All I can feel is this fly, which seems to have taken a particular liking to my derriere,” she complained, stamping crossly.

“There it is again. The earth is shaking. I think we are having an earthquake.”

Worldly Wise Cow raised her head and listened, twitching her ears with irritation. Then she snorted. “Don’t be afraid. It’s just that silly human woman out running again.”

“Running?” Youthful cow looked puzzled. “Is old Farmer Paddy chasing her with his big stick?”

“Don’t be so silly,” said Worldly Wise Cow contemptuously. “What he gets up to out of farming hours is no concern of ours, but I have heard that he reserves such behaviour specifically for us.”

“Really? Why is that?”

“Well, just look at her,” said Worldly Wise Cow as a diminutive red-faced sweaty human female trundled laboriously into view. “She’s only got two legs for a start, and she only grows hair on her head.”

They both stared, unblinking, at the human as she made slow progress up the lane.

“Yeah,” said Youthful Cow. “She is pretty ugly. I’ve never seen a human so short and so round.”

“I suspect you’d get more rump steaks out of her than from this whole herd put together.”

“Poor cow,” said Youthful Cow, eyes limpid with sympathy. “No wonder she’s having so much trouble running with only two stumpy legs. But why is she making that awful noise? She sounds like a hurricane.”

“Oh, that’s just the way they breathe. I believe it has something to do with their pitiful lung size, compact ribcage and ridiculously small noses.”

“Ah. ” Youthful Cow was mightily impressed with Worldly Wise Cow’s wisdom.

“You watch, ” said the older animal with a sly wink. “She’ll be back in a minute, staggering up the other side of the road like Farmer Paddy after a Friday night in Virginia, back the way she came.”

Sure enough, Worldly Wise Cow’s prophecy was realised when after some moments the peace was shattered by the woman’s reappearance, panting and gasping and wheezing harder than ever as her pace slowed and her feet stumbled.

Youthful Cow shook her head and twitched her ears in disbelief. “It just doesn’t make any sense!”

“I don’t think she’s all there,” confided Worldly Wise Cow, dropping her muzzle back into the riot of grasses which required her attention.

“They should catch her and put her out of her misery. She’s not running that fast.”

Worldly Wise Cow snorted as she chewed. “She should grow some udders. They’d be running after her then, sure enough. The bigger the udder, the better the mudder, as you well know.” Worldly Wise Cow had the biggest udders in the herd, Β and as such, was treated with respect by cows and humans alike.

Youthful Cow sighed as she watched the poor woman until she dribbled out of view. She shook her head regretfully, then returned her attention to the important task of grazing.

“Mad cow.”

39 thoughts on “Silly Cow!

  1. Nice observation. I’ll often stop on a training run (any excuse) at a field of our lovely Jerseys and, after trying to engage them in conversation (yes, moo) wonder what they’re thinking behind those blank expressions πŸ™‚

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Your cow took me back in time by several decades, Ali, to my school days, when it used to be the norm to keep cows in houses as part of domestic life. We had two cows in the barn behind my home, and I recall tending to it, even bathing it drawing water from the well. They are such calm and peaceful creatures, supplying milk and manure. In India cows are revered. Krishna, like Christ, was born in a cowshed. If Christ was the good shepherd, Krishna was the king of cowherds. So no silly cows here, there are only holy cows…best wishes.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you Raj… the only silly cow was me! I certainly felt they were the wiser as I jogged past them!

      Yes, they are generally very calm and peaceful creatures. I have only seen cows riled twice in my life; once, when I was horse-riding, and the whole herd in the field next to me galloped alongside us on the other side of the fence.

      And another time I was crossing a field with my mum and her little dog, and the cows weren’t very happy about us being in their field, and chased us out of it. That was very scary. they were after the dog, to be fair, although she had done nothing to them and had completely ignored them. She managed to squeeze through a gap in the hedge, she was quite small, and my mother and I vaulted over the gate.

      Since then, I have been a little intimidated by their presence, shall we say?

      Liked by 1 person

  3. This really made me smile…growing up around cows, when I was just a young kid they would come and surround me out of curiosity in the pasture and I remember how it use to freak me out…and I still imagine that they talk just like they do in this story πŸ™‚

    Liked by 1 person

        1. What freaks me out is their size, and the potential power of it. My mum and I got chased by them once. They were after our little dog. We all escaped safely, but it was scary. Ive been afraid of them ever since, and cant go in a field with them, no matter how gentle their eyes and mild their behaviour.

          Like

  4. I need to ask what are you running from? I’ve never run in my life apart from the day I was being chased by a store detective after I’d stuffed a frozen chicken up my jumper and made a run for it. That’s another story.

    I’m sure cows do talk about us, but I like them a lot. Toby especially likes to roll around in what they leave behind. Wouldn’t you think they’d have their own poo bags?

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Having the Vet in the family and having to ferry her, in years gone by, for work experience I’ve experienced my share of milking parlours. Now she gets involved in cow caesareans and I’m well out f it. Personally I like mine sliced into steaks and rare.

    Like

  6. I would rather dance for four hours than run for four minutes.. A zumba class is more my style. But having suffered the tortures of jogging whilst trying to get fit and knowing how a cow’s mind works (I did work for the Friesian Breeders Handbook) she was actually saying.. very good job and better her than me! hugs

    Like

  7. Lots of fun, Ali – I must say, running is not for me!
    I remember visiting a friend’s family farm in Australia and we had to go out on a quad bike and find one specific cow, I can’t remember why. And when we got to the pasture they all surrounded us, getting closer – they are big animals and it was quite freaky! No doubt they were thinking funny things about us as well πŸ™‚

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Haha! Thanks! Cows are funny. I like them but having once been chased by a herd once, prefer them safely on the other side of the fence. Like all animals, we shouldnt take them for granted, just because they appear to be so placid.

      Liked by 1 person

  8. I suspect cows have very limited entertainment in their fields so one mad cow out for a trot would really pique their interest. Imagine the cows along the site of the Great North Run or similar whom they might fear is a replacement herd.
    xxx Massive Hugs Ali xxx

    Liked by 1 person

      1. Haha I live in NW Oklahoma. We have goats, llamas, AND zebras, camels, water buffalo, zebu..occasionally you can even see them wandering through town.(an old friend decided to open up a petting zoo outside of town.)

        Like

          1. Goats and Llamas are on many farms around here. The Camels, Zebu, Water buffalo, etc are at The Menagerie but often come into town for parades, parties, random events, or when one of the boys get a wild hair. Someone was riding the Camels down the highway last week just for funsies.

            Like

    1. Haha! Not much, I reckon. I am surrounded by cattle here, they are very curious and will just stand and stare and stare and stare, as if they cant quite believe what theyre seeing! They will follow a conversation, too, swinging their great heads from one conversationalist to the other, like someone watching tennis… very funny!

      Liked by 1 person

Please feel free to join in the conversation...

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s